A Lack of Restful Hope
by Book girl fan
Summary: Sometimes, we're all just tired.


"I can't tonight, Sirius." Remus rubbed his forehead with one hand. "I'm sorry, Sirius, I just... can't."

He slumped heavily back in his seat, leaving one hand resting over his eyes. Sirius watched him with concern. It was still two days until the moon, but Remus seemed to be feeling the effects already. Even Sirius' proposal that they go up to the roof and tend the night garden, something Remus had always previously been fond of, wasn't enough to tempt him out of the comfort his rooms.

"Should you even be up, Moony?" Sirius asked quietly. "If you're this badly off, and it's still two days out, maybe you should stay in bed tomorrow." Not seeing any reaction, he continued hopefully, "Padfoot could stay with you, keep you company?"

Remus removed the hand from his eyes to smile gently in Sirius' direction. "Padfoot's always welcome, Sirius, but I can't just take a day off. The war doesn't stop just because I'm having a bad day."

"This isn't just a bad day, Remus, this is you exhausted because everyone keeps piling too much on you and you're trying to carry it all!" Sirius growled, suddenly furious. "You shouldn't have to do everything! If you're not off with the wolves, you're here decoding letters, or guarding the prophecy – Dung could certainly spare the time to do that instead, or Bill, he's older than we were in the first war, if we were old enough to kill people he's old enough to guard a doorway, and I–"

"Sirius," Remus interrupted, quiet but firm. "Not tonight."

Sirius subsided. It was far from the first time he'd argued with Remus about doing something more to help the Order, but he hadn't even been suggesting that he could take one of the guard shifts. Even decoding letters would be better then sitting around and cleaning! Still, Moony was obviously exhausted, head already slumping back into the deep cushions as his eyes fluttered closed. The argument could rest for tonight.

And maybe in the morning, he'd slip a little Dreamless Sleep into Remus' tea, make sure he could have a nice restful day. Remus would forgive him for it. That was one thing that hadn't changed.

"Moony," he singsonged quietly. "Time to get you to bed, or you'll end up sleeping on the couch all night."

Remus half-smiled, eyes still closed. "Your bed or mine?"

Sirius shrugged carelessly. "Does it matter? One's as bad as the other in this wretched place."

Remus' eyelids flickered open as he pulled himself slightly more upright, looking at Sirius in concern, before he relaxed and held a hand up to Sirius. "Give us a hand, Pads? Been sitting here too long."

"Because otherwise you would have fallen over." Sirius accepted Remus' hand, pulling him to his feet. "You're getting old, Moony."

"Still younger than you," Remus replied teasingly.

Leaning against each other, they walked over to the stairs and slowly began to climb. Each step fell softly against the plush carpet, making the night feel muffled and quiet. Everyone else was gone, either to bed or to home, leaving just the two of them wandering through the bowels of the ancient house.

"Would Padfoot still like to join me tonight?" Remus asked quietly, not looking at Sirius. He stumbled, hand tightening on the rail.

Sirius squeezed his shoulder and waited for him to regain his balance before continuing. "Padfoot would love to." The dimness of the staircase loosened his tongue, causing him to add, "It's much less lonely with you there. Like old times."

They continued up the stairs in silence, Sirius' thoughts lost in remembrance of a time that felt very long ago, when days were long and filled with adventure, every day held another opportunity for mischief, and two scared and lonely little boys could find comfort in having another person's head beside them on the pillow. James, who had grown up in a house filled with love and laughter, had never quite understood Sirius' tangled emotions about his family, or the nightmares that sent him startling upright in the dead of night. Remus always had. From the very first time Sirius had been curled up in his bed, shivering with cold and fear, and Remus had pulled back the blankets of his bed and asked if he minded sharing, Remus had always been there.

They stopped on the landing, Sirius too tired to change into Padfoot but too unsure what Remus would do if he didn't. Would Remus let him in, like he always had before, or had they just changed too much?

The moment stretched out, long and unforgiving, before finally Remus sighed and started walking towards his bedroom. Sirius hesitated, still unsure if Remus would be accepting of having Sirius, rather than Padfoot, in his bed again. His doubts were dispelled when Remus turned back towards him with a slight smile. "Aren't you coming?"

Sirius' feet shuffled forwards of their own volition, trailing in Remus' wake. "I think Padfoot is too tired to come out tonight," he confessed.

Remus didn't stop, just reached out to grasp his hand and pull him gently closer. "Padfoot is more than just your Animagus, Sirius. Padfoot is a part of you, of us and all we were. And Padfoot is always welcome, in any form."

Sirius' grip tightened in silent thanks, a warm glow lighting up his insides. Sometimes it was so easy to think that the Marauders had died with James and Lily, but though that Halloween had taken so much from him, it had left some few precious things behind. He had Harry, looking more and more like his father every day, but with his mother's love and spirit within. He had the Order, something to give him a purpose, even if it wasn't doing such a great job of that at the moment. And he had Remus.


End file.
